I was telling my friend about the whole program and screenngsa and discussions we have had. She shared a very interesting incident which I wrote down making a few changes here and there.
I met her on a global leadership program. She was in my group. When I met her I decided that I don’t like her. Why, you would ask. I did not like her because she was wearing a hijab.
I was a staunch feminist, at least I believed so. In fact I think all women are feminists of certain degree. Thought I did not believe in eliminating all the men from universe, I still believed in fighting for one’s rights and not following customs blindly. So I simply could not understand how an educated, young girl can agree to wear something as constrictive as a hijab. So I decided to not like her. So I decided not to talk to her.
But I did talk to her. That day I was crying in my room. She came in, held my hand soothed me. I didn’t want to talk to her when but she asked what happened, I told her.
“I had fight with my boyfriend. He thinks I am not giving him enough time, not calling him up enough”.
I didn’t want to talk to her but, she advised me, I listened.
“You really don’t someone who makes you cry. You really don’t need someone who is insecure about you. What sort of a partner he is if does not understand you preoccupations. Why are you crying for him?”
I didn’t want to talk to her but I talked and we talked for hours. We talked about music and we talked about food. We talked about films and we even discussed feminism. And I discovered she is more of a feminist than I am. We discussed everything from Simone de Beavouir to Taslima Nasrin. More often than not she had more to say than me.
We became Best friends. On the program we were inseparable. We shopped together, partied together. We had similar choices. We bought same kurtas and wore them together. She just added a hijab to her attire.
But still I could not understand why she, a liberal, a champion of women’s liberty wore a hijab. One day I asked her this question expecting a deeply philosophical reasoning about culture and religion.
“I wear it because I want to wear it. No one told me to. It is a part of my identity. It is something which I have been wearing since long back. I don’t mind wearing it because I don’t attach the notions people attached to a simple piece of garment. It is like you have your father’s name attached with you and that name becomes your identity. It is as simple as that!”
And really isn’t it as simple as that? Why attach certain meanings to something as inane as a headscarf. Had I not met the person behind the hijab I would have lost a beautiful friend. I am lucky that I met the girl in hijab and got to know the girl behind hijab.
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Hey Madhulika
ReplyDeleteI am guessing its you. You know this is a very common myth we all grew up with. If a woman wears a hijab/veil she is backward, and that feminists like us should be against it. But there is also the completely different Islamic feminist viewpoint on the veil - It helps them to be looked at just as persons, human beings, and not be looked at as women, who are supposed to be sexually attractive all the time. It liberates them from having to worry about their looks in order to please the male gaze and gives them the confidence to be looked at with gender neutrality.
Your friend probably knew or did not know about this. But maybe somewhere deep down she must have felt this kind of a positive influence of just that piece of scarf...
well Madhulika if its u then i would say that we always make our perception about different people on the basis of what or how do they look and so on....but u know wt we often forget and feel regret later on is the reality....since I belong to Muslim family wherein i was treated the way i was supposed to be....but u know consequently wt happened is I drawn out the conclusion of being religious or religious cum secular. we often give values of what is visible or wt is shown through media and this I would say that this must have been a very good experience I believe but u know there r numerous people like u and me so now we all need to think collectively for the best solution, this is nothing but to a very great extent a generation gap and feelings of our fathers and forefathers because they were treated and circumstences led them to be like this....due this we forgot very important thing i.e. this nation is not yours nor mine but it is ours...
ReplyDeletehey...Vertika and Madhulika i completely agree with you guys here, in this case yes it was entirely on her to wear a hijab or not. But, usually its not a choice left with women. Its something imposed on them. I know many Muslim girls and women here in Old Delhi who do not wish to wear it but are forced to wear it. Its kind of a compulsion.
ReplyDeleteI seriously think the choice should be left with the women, after all its their life and they are the ones who will go through it and not the men or the society at large. Its entirely a woman's wish.